My People

So I've got that going for me. Which is nice.

I'm not very good at relationships.

I'm not a big talker, and as an INFJ personality type, I tend to psychoanalyze people as I listen to them. I also need a good bit of alone time, so I seem to lose track of the people that float into and out of my life.

However, there's something not a lot of people know about me.

 I had a severely broken eardrum over 20 years ago, and I don't always hear what's actually been said. Sometimes the results are hilarious. Sometimes confusing. Sometimes its so obvious that I've heard something incorrectly that I ask for a repeat. Sometimes not.

Before the injury, I had what friends called, "Mom hearing". Whispers were useless in my presence; sometimes even through closed doors.

Immediately following the injury, I was frantic about not being able to hear correctly and eventually found coping mechanisms like not having music playing loudly from behind me because then it would drown out people who were talking in front of me. 

It was definitely a learning curve.

After all of these years, I've come to the conclusion that I hear what I'm supposed to and I've made peace with the hearing loss incurred by the broken eardrum.

But now I'm getting older and my age is furthering my auditory incapacity.

I've come to understand why my grandparents played the nightly news at what seemed like volume 7000. They didn't have widespread closed captioning then. Besides, my grandparents wouldn't think they needed them because they weren't deaf. They were hard of hearing due to age.

Unlike them, I have no pride when it comes to the semantics of it.

I use closed captioning all the time. Watching TV is useless without it for me.

I also mute all the commercials, but that's another story.

Since I'm not officially categorized as deaf or hearing impaired, I don't have one of those telephones that close caption the calls. Usually, no worries, but I'm not as good at making out what people are saying on the phone as I used to be.

I already wasn't good at relationships, and now I'm answering things that weren't even said and asking questions about what I misheard... 

It's AWK-WARD!

So, I tend to keep up with most people on social media or by text. Where it's all typing and emojis and reactions. Where I can show my love language is memes as I try to impart smiles into their days.

And hopefully all of 'my people' far and wide know that they're still my people to me. 

That I still cheer your birthdays, milestones and successes. That my heart hurts for your losses and the pains you share. That I pray the absolute best for you all whether you know it or not. And that if I ever considered you my friend, you will be one in my mind whether we've spoken once in 40 years or you don't even remember there was a me.

I remember you; and silent, introverted me is still in your corner even if you didn't know it.

So you've got that going for you. Which is nice.